Sometimes I hate how I always tend to turn around and walk back to the place I solemnly swear I will never step on again. As I try to recuperate this heart day by day, my mind kept telling me to run back the same street which by now would already be covered with dried leaves as it was still summer when we left our hearts on the shelves.

Sometimes, it is effortless and simple.

Sometimes it gets baffling & hard.

Sometimes I wish I can make everything okay just by shutting down all these unwanted emotions but sometimes I would forcibly bring myself to walk down the bridge where we build strong memories because I swear I was happy.

Sometimes I miss being pampered like a small kid in the candy store. I miss getting those goodnight texts full of faces & hearts and clouds and moons and your very own little lamb that you like to include right before the moon and if I’m lucky enough, there will be a cat (inclusively). There are so many things I wish I wouldn’t have done and if I were to list it all, you will be reading them while sitting on a rocking chair enjoying the serendipity of a cold winter night.

Most of the time, I feel so vulnerable although I tend to always portray this strong image that at least I could move on but what they don’t know is the fact that it is not as easy as it looks. It will never be easy. I know 5 to 10 years from now, all this wouldn’t matter anymore. You will be all dress up, walking down the aisle to greet your future wife and give her the life you promised me and I guess I wouldn’t be invited because I don’t mean anything to you.

The last time we talk, I was very unreasonable and I know it hit you like a savage slap on the face but right at that moment, I was wishing for you to hold me, get me into my senses and then let me win the fight. Instead, you just gave in that whole lot of bullshit I was giving and told me I won. When I was hanging on a rope ten feet of the ground, you dropped me into a deep ocean and I,

I am still finding the strength to swim myself  back to shore.