Changes






I am very much awed by the love I received after I blogged about my deepest emotion although I kind of lost a person who manage to withstand me & my intuitive feelings. I guess it is okay to be alone rather than making someone fall for me and continue feeding him hopes while I am still uncertain if I can make it work.


After a relatively long time, i finally broke down yesterday. It feels as if I haven't cried for so long. I curled up on the sheets as tears touches my pillow one by one and i realized all this while I have been shutting down my feelings so i don't crumble and find myself in a depressing state.

Well, I eventually did.

Nana told me it is definitely okay to cry. I went through all the pictures I kept and I reminisce the memories behind those photographs.

"Some things are not meant to be." My heart whispered.
Finally my heart agreed with my mind. I am happy it happened and if you're reading this, N, thank you for the most amazing journey.


 I am hereby, making some amendment in my life. 

 This is going to be my journey of eat.pray.love.
xoxoqueensiti

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Sometimes...

happens all the time gif, the truth gif, sad gif

Sometimes I hate how I always tend to turn around and walk back to the place I solemnly swear I will never step on again. As I try to recuperate this heart day by day, my mind kept telling me to run back the same street which by now would already be covered with dried leaves as it was still summer when we left our hearts on the shelves.

Sometimes, it is effortless and simple.

Sometimes it gets baffling & hard.

Sometimes I wish I can make everything okay just by shutting down all these unwanted emotions but sometimes I would forcibly bring myself to walk down the bridge where we build strong memories because I swear I was happy.

Sometimes I miss being pampered like a small kid in the candy store. I miss getting those goodnight texts full of faces & hearts and clouds and moons and your very own little lamb that you like to include right before the moon and if I’m lucky enough, there will be a cat (inclusively). There are so many things I wish I wouldn’t have done and if I were to list it all, you will be reading them while sitting on a rocking chair enjoying the serendipity of a cold winter night.

Most of the time, I feel so vulnerable although I tend to always portray this strong image that at least I could move on but what they don’t know is the fact that it is not as easy as it looks. It will never be easy. I know 5 to 10 years from now, all this wouldn’t matter anymore. You will be all dress up, walking down the aisle to greet your future wife and give her the life you promised me and I guess I wouldn’t be invited because I don’t mean anything to you.


The last time we talk, I was very unreasonable and I know it hit you like a savage slap on the face but right at that moment, I was wishing for you to hold me, get me into my senses and then let me win the fight. Instead, you just gave in that whole lot of bullshit I was giving and told me I won. When I was hanging on a rope ten feet of the ground, you dropped me into a deep ocean and I,

I am still finding the strength to swim myself  back to shore.

I miss you.

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First Date Fashion Set:

It's like you've met him. It just fits. Haven't gone too far, haven't got too close either. Maybe you're wondering if this is ever gonna work out the way you planned. He is going to screw things up big time because that is something inevitable but if who you're seeing now have impacted a soulful shot of happiness, present yourself this.

You have to believe there are kisses, laugh and risk worth taking.

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Lana Del Rey - Born To Die





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When I think about you, I think of all the good things that comes with it. Maybe being in a hot air balloon up in the skies of messisipi or maybe just the absurdity of fairytales- like going to a ball but prolly getting wasted after the clock strikes 12 and just kissing the shit out of your lips. So if you think of me, what would it be like?

Magic. You came as though you were sent right on time, to get me out of a confined mind, to seek serenity off these admonishing feelings. Maybe this is temporary, maybe this is it.

You see, when others were all attacking me with questions I couldn't comprehend, I came to you having to seek refuge, and all you did was to convince me that it is all okay and we will get through this together.

As though these misconceptions weren't thrown hard enough at me, I kept my guards up. I don't care what tomorrow may bring. For now I feel like its us, against the universe.

xoxoqueensiti

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