Impact.





What if one day you comeback and said it wasn't over? Its funny how things end in the most peaceful way. Nothing was said but you feel this void in your heart. We both want the best for ourselves.
It's time I remake my own life. Deep down, Q, you will forever be the one who manage to bring down my walls and make me genuinely happy. I know how much you don't want things to change but this is not me. I don't want to stick around on something I'm unsure of, especially on a apodictic position. 

Like tangents, we intercept and meet at one point, but never meant to be together. Nonetheless, I will forever be grateful that once upon my lonely life, you came & bring me skittles-like-rainbows 

& I hope wherever you are, you'll be thankful too.

Like we both say, "Right person, wrong time."

You'll be fine, Q. You'll be fine.

Lola.

Dreams.


These things god does, sending me blessings in a form of a man have to stop.

He's so perfect when he smiles, even more so when we kiss. 

I hate how I feel so attached to him when I know I still have a lot more to achieve in life. This is what happens when I've been independent for so long.  I just can't get use to it. I love him, I do & if time permits, I'd like to be with him forever. Leaving him will not only destroy our plans & hopes but also destruct our feelings. Legit feelings.

What's gonna happen to my dreams then? 

What if you are forced to walk away from someone who means the world to you for something you are really set out to do? 


Lola. 

Smile.



Yes, I'm blogging with such lethargic soul accompanied by these dreadful amount of weight right below these sighting instrument.

Nonetheless..

I guess we are all used to chasing each other when we were young. We were all once small kids, throwing stones all over the glistening sea, watching birds picking up its prey while surrounded by laughters and notions of excitements.

I haven't really figured why but you seem to be giving me that contentment I've been wanting to feel- such that made the hairs on my back stands up and my heart races way beyond its usual pace. Perhaps it is only because I've been yearning for such attention but then again, maybe I was trying to relinquish something I lost. Or maybe it is what it is, the most simplified & sincere the word "bliss" could offer.

Like as though I never had these feelings before, it reached out to me as something so valuable. Haven't my heart know how these things are going to end? Haven't my mind learn the art of what happens when a burning candle ran out of wax? I am still sitting here, with these heavy feelings, trying to recuperate and instead of being alone, you held my hand.

Even though i haven't open up to you and tell you all you need to know, you simply got me on my toes, doing pirouettes, turn after turn & trust me, if I am a gymnast, I would do countless of backflips to give you a sedation of factual evidence, of what you created within this aching soul.

This was as honest as I could get.

Be true. Be YOU.




The idea of being who you are & who you desire to be can be quite challenging especially when you have no interest in being yourself at all. So, if you try to replicate a being of you to be slightly different, you might drift away, resulting in vast changes. That would be ideal if you do need a structured help in your life. Otherwise, be true to yourself. It’s the only favor you can ever be contented with in the end.

By the grace of god




You never really know how broken is broken, until you are broken & this, hands down, speak of me. 

Was 19* surviving my return of Sanity

A long vacation didn't sound so bad
Was full of secrets locked and tied like iron melting
Running on empty so out of gas

Thought I wasn't enough
found out I wasn't so tough
Laying on the bathroom floor
We were living on a fault line
and I felt the fault was all mine
Couldn't take it anymore

By the grace of God
There was no other way
I picked myself back up

I knew I had to stay

I put one foot in front of the other and I
Looked in the mirror and decided to stay

Wasn't gonna let love take me out that way


I thank my sisters for keeping my head above the water

When the truth was like swallowing sand
Now, every morning, hope there is no more mourning
Oh, I can finally see myself again

I know I am enough, possible to be loved
It was not about me
Now I have to rise above
Let the universe call the bluff
Yeah, the truth will set you free 


A lot of people view depression as something self inflicted, something you can choose not to feel but truth is, it is nowhere near that. The fact that it will try to devour your happiness and consume your life is a serious matter. If you haven't felt such moment of yourself soulless & damage, good for you but I, I am only human. 




                                    

Lola

Thankful




There is a season where it jets you away on a joyous ride like sitting on a swing, smiling blithely while keeping both your feet up high, just so you could defy gravity and feel good about it..

& there is another season where you have to forcefully wake yourself up and brace the cold morning showers, putting your feet into the water first, just so you know what to expect as soon as you surrender yourself into a familiar Nigeria waterfall.

There is so much more to life than the seasons that comes with it. Fall started off amazingly for I found a lot of answers to my doubts and insecurities. At this very moment, I feel so blessed to be given such an amazing circle although I kept it really small. The girls that keep me insane are the same girls that kept me sane! 

I treasure my sisters for they have instilled so much positivity and happiness in me. We can go from arguing on who's  gonna clean the room or the kitchen and bathroom to sitting in a circle, sharing ghost stories, singing and watching late night movie on saturdays. Family comes first & I would do so much to keep mine fine and dandy (; (No, I'm not writing this just because my sisters read my blog)

Thank you god. 


 
           I just love the kitty ears on me! (;                                                                                                                                                                                  


Lola

LOL(A)









No words can describe how stupid i feel when you read my messages. I feel so fucking bimbotic you have no idea. I have been leaving you whatsapp msgs for the past 4-5 months knowing that you've block me, i had no worries on it getting through you cause most of the time i just wanted to let it out. How can i be so stupid to do it again when i know i had re-install my whatsapp and so you did not have me on your block list.. HOLY FUCK. When you replied me, I had no words to say to you. NOTHING. All the thoughts I've been sending you for those month actually became nothing at the spur of the moment. I don't know if i should laugh or cry but I guess that was god's way of telling me that it's done. I just miss the memories for the honest fact is, I am no longer in love with you. I don't hate you, it's just that I have no feelings for you. None.

Thank you god for the guidence. I'm at the most happiest part I've never been.

Lola.
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